Tag Archives: foods

Foods, Fakefoods, and Sleeping (Bruce, 4mo)

Have you seen fakefoods? My aunt has them; so does grandma and some other people. They’re just like Mommy’s but they Don’t Make Milk! A guy gets tired with so many people and he figures it’s time for a good nap. Now I like to sleep on the foods. I like it a lot, so maybe I decide to take a nap on a friendly NotMommy. But if I nose around looking for a way to latch, there is a cover in the way and they won’t let me! I keep nosing around before I realize that these fakefoods don’t even smell right. Naturally, I put my head back for a deep WAIL. Fortunately, that tends to make people pass me back to Mommy and the foods. About time, I tell you. I rather think we should outlaw fakefoods though. They are even more of a tease than Daddy’s complete deficiency. (Don’t tell, because I don’t want to gossip, but my Daddy doesn’t have foods. He’s really not that useful for some things.) Fakefoods aren’t functional, and as far as I can tell, they exist just to get one’s expectations up. Anyone with me?

On the other hand, Mommy seems to like putting things in my mouth, because now she’s tried a new thing. First she put her finger in my mouth. I like fingers alright, and I want to keep her happy, so I suck. It Had Flavor! Not like the foods, but a different flavor. (World has multiple flavors? Pardon me while I process that revelation.) I kind of liked it. A few sleeps later though, she gave me the funny green flavor again, but this time she used a curved scoopy thing instead of her finger. Now, I think she’s doing it, because that’s what everyone’s doing. But Daddy’s right, these “spoon” things really aren’t helping me out here. When I stick my tongue out–remember I’ma  skilled eater of the foods, I know how to do this– the food slides back down this spoon thing and runs away. Then Mommy takes the stupid contraption out of my mouth and pushes the food back. I try to taste the food and it runs away. Finally Mommy takes the odd-tasting-tease and scrapes some of the food off of it with my gums. Flavors fall on my tongue. Interested I try to suck them, but then some of the flavors slide out of my mouth. Gah! Mommy, if you want me to try this new Flavor thing, can’t you put them back on your finger?  For you I will try this odd-tasting-tease stuff, but I’m really sceptical of your technique.

And Daddy, don’t ever try making me use the odd-tasting tease again. I wailed at you last time you tried it, and I’ll wail again. You know better than to make me use “spoon,” and anyway mommies feed. You are missing a set of foods, and whenever you give me something to suck, it comes in a wrongnipple and is usually too cold. I do not trust you to feed me!

On a different note, I finally got through to mommy that putting me in that little pink bed was squishing my neck and offending my sense of self. But now, instead of putting me to sleep in my bed–the one she thinks is hers–she puts me ON THE FLOOR. I’d like to see  her go to sleep on the floor. Actually, I would. That would make floor time a lot more fun. So anyway I was peacefully sleeping on the floor like a poor baby who apparently doesn’t deserve a bed and then the streetlights got into my eyes. So I pulled something nearby over my eyes. I’ve learned to do this on purpose, and I’m kind of proud of myself for solving my own problems. But then Mommy moved the nice shade  Her only excuse is some guff about not wanting me to smother myself. I was breathing just fine before she woke me up. She’s a slow learner, folks.

Somewhat patiently,

Bruce

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Arms (Bruce, 3 mo)

Hi Everyone,

So, there are things. And sometimes they move in front of your face and you get moving pink black light shadow. Get your people to do it; iit is wiggly cool. In fact, sometimes when you look at a dangly thing it gives you feelings. Partially for that reason, I think I have things besides a head. I’m not sure what they are but when I get really excited I can’t make them stop. It was great last night feeling them doing things. I grinned and grinned, and Mommy and Daddy were BOTH giving me attention. But then I was really really tired and the mystery things that are attached to me kept moving. And that made me really upset. And that seemed to make them more active. Then Mommy did something with a giant thing and all those feelings stopped. Usually that makes me mad, and anyway they start over again very fast. But having the distracting wiggly feeling stop made the OH MY WIGGLY SOMETHING IS HAPPENING feelings stop and the world went away.

However, something in my eating place HURTS. And then it doesn’t. Then it HURTS HURTS. Worse though Mommy has been failing to make it better. Is Outrage. It helps some if I can suck, but Mommy Keeps Putting ME Down. On the other hand, sometimes Daddy gives me a finger. And he talks to me. I really like that Daddy guy. Coming to appreciate him more. He’s good at making things come and go above my face and when he has me the farts and burps don’t get stuck so much. Still really fails at feeding me though, and that’s pretty darn important. Stilll, I’m rating him an Ooohwaah.

Speaking of feeding, I’ve found that if you eat until it comes out, you can eat again. I’ve been practicing sharing my food with everyone. If I share enough of it with Mommy, she stops wearing that shirt. I wish she’d stop putting other ones on. I really don’t approve of covering the food things. Still, a couple days ago I got Mommy to change her shirt twice and Daddy to change his once before Daddy just stopped wearing a shirt. (See, Mommy, that’s how you do it!)

Okay, I’m going to go suck back to sleep now, so,

Ahhguuuh,

Bruce

Hello World (Bruce, almost 3.0 months)

Recently, I said I was Hungry HUNGRY, and instead of mommyfood, Daddy gave me something kind of like food. It smelled like food, but it was COLD! It was NOT my mommy Can you imagine what kind of mommy would be cold? I told him loudly and clearly that that was NOT my mommy.

 

On the other hand the person who is smaller than Mommy and Daddy came over to me again. She kept doing something that made the light go away and then it came back. Then she dangled the light-covering thing over me. It was a pretty bright color and I looked at it a while. It was fun, untl Mommy came and put the thing on my legs. That annoyed me because it stopped the game. Then that person, who Mommy calls Kathryn came over and put something else in my face it was shiny and strings from her head and I like to grab it. That was fun.

 

On the bad side, Mommy will not stop fussing with my head. First she put gooey stuff all over it and then she pecked at it and fussed at it. I keep moving my head away adn sometimes she gets distracted, but then she sees it again, and starts fussing at it again. I will have to work on teaching her to keep her hands to herself.

 

aahguuuh,

Bruce

 

P.S. Being jiggled is fun, but not when I have a dirty diaper.