Monthly Archives: September 2012

Foods, Fakefoods, and Sleeping (Bruce, 4mo)

Have you seen fakefoods? My aunt has them; so does grandma and some other people. They’re just like Mommy’s but they Don’t Make Milk! A guy gets tired with so many people and he figures it’s time for a good nap. Now I like to sleep on the foods. I like it a lot, so maybe I decide to take a nap on a friendly NotMommy. But if I nose around looking for a way to latch, there is a cover in the way and they won’t let me! I keep nosing around before I realize that these fakefoods don’t even smell right. Naturally, I put my head back for a deep WAIL. Fortunately, that tends to make people pass me back to Mommy and the foods. About time, I tell you. I rather think we should outlaw fakefoods though. They are even more of a tease than Daddy’s complete deficiency. (Don’t tell, because I don’t want to gossip, but my Daddy doesn’t have foods. He’s really not that useful for some things.) Fakefoods aren’t functional, and as far as I can tell, they exist just to get one’s expectations up. Anyone with me?

On the other hand, Mommy seems to like putting things in my mouth, because now she’s tried a new thing. First she put her finger in my mouth. I like fingers alright, and I want to keep her happy, so I suck. It Had Flavor! Not like the foods, but a different flavor. (World has multiple flavors? Pardon me while I process that revelation.) I kind of liked it. A few sleeps later though, she gave me the funny green flavor again, but this time she used a curved scoopy thing instead of her finger. Now, I think she’s doing it, because that’s what everyone’s doing. But Daddy’s right, these “spoon” things really aren’t helping me out here. When I stick my tongue out–remember I’ma  skilled eater of the foods, I know how to do this– the food slides back down this spoon thing and runs away. Then Mommy takes the stupid contraption out of my mouth and pushes the food back. I try to taste the food and it runs away. Finally Mommy takes the odd-tasting-tease and scrapes some of the food off of it with my gums. Flavors fall on my tongue. Interested I try to suck them, but then some of the flavors slide out of my mouth. Gah! Mommy, if you want me to try this new Flavor thing, can’t you put them back on your finger?  For you I will try this odd-tasting-tease stuff, but I’m really sceptical of your technique.

And Daddy, don’t ever try making me use the odd-tasting tease again. I wailed at you last time you tried it, and I’ll wail again. You know better than to make me use “spoon,” and anyway mommies feed. You are missing a set of foods, and whenever you give me something to suck, it comes in a wrongnipple and is usually too cold. I do not trust you to feed me!

On a different note, I finally got through to mommy that putting me in that little pink bed was squishing my neck and offending my sense of self. But now, instead of putting me to sleep in my bed–the one she thinks is hers–she puts me ON THE FLOOR. I’d like to see  her go to sleep on the floor. Actually, I would. That would make floor time a lot more fun. So anyway I was peacefully sleeping on the floor like a poor baby who apparently doesn’t deserve a bed and then the streetlights got into my eyes. So I pulled something nearby over my eyes. I’ve learned to do this on purpose, and I’m kind of proud of myself for solving my own problems. But then Mommy moved the nice shade  Her only excuse is some guff about not wanting me to smother myself. I was breathing just fine before she woke me up. She’s a slow learner, folks.

Somewhat patiently,



Sleep Mostly (Bruce, 4 mo)

Having some troubles with mother lately on the topic of sleeping. Take last night for instance, I was very tired after watching my sister–you try staring at a four year old for a  while, it’s exhausting!–so I fell asleep while mom was putting her to bed. Apparently Mom didn’t completely approve, because after a nice half an hour she started trying to wake me up. She tried all her favorite tricks like talking to me and rubbing my hair the wrong way, but I was a tired baby, and I completely ignored her. Apparently that brought out the sadistic streak in her, because next she tried chucking me under the chin. She knows I don’t like that. However, I am a focused baby, and I was tired, so I gave her a dirty look and then went back to sleep. That’s when she truly got me below the belt. She went with her other trick from back when I was a premie; she boob-slapped me! Wow, some people are desperate for attention. Finally to make her bloody leave me alone I sucked on it for at least five seconds, but then I think I went back to sleep. I tried to tell her I was a tired baby!

So then a couple hours later I woke up and I was feeling better. Really hungry, I mean I hadn’t eaten in like 4 hours by then–can you believe she would do that to me!–but not nearly as exhausted. She got up and took me into our bed out of that little bed she keeps sticking me in. So after I’ve eaten a bit, I decided I should entertain mommy a bit so that she wouldn’t bother me again so much next time. We were all covered with a lightweight thing and then mommy and I were sharing a heavier thing that was kind of warm. It was cozy, so I grabbed it and pulled. It moved! That was funny, but then mommy took it out of my hand and moved it back. Bah! Still, even after she moved it, I felt that soft and somewhat fuzzy sensation against my fingers. I grabbed again, and it moved again! This time Mommy made a noise, but I think it meant good job because when I moved the covers, I found more of mommy was buried under them! Besides that was clearly getting her attention, so I did it over and over. I think I’m getting good at making Mommy happy, guys!

Also, I really don’t think gr’ups properly appreciate light. I mean look out the window. It’s beautiful. Or even better look at the one up there above my head. Even if I’m really mad or sad, when I see that, it’s hard not to be completely d…..



Good Morning! (Bruce, almost 4 mo)

Good morning everyone!

Though mommy kept insisting it wasn’t morning. I told her she was in the minority in my bedroom. Daddy got up (probably around 6 or a little before) and I slept/sucked in for a while. Plenty of time for Mommy to wake up fully, I’d have thought. The sun came up and it was beautiful. I really liked the sunrise and naturally I told my dear mother about it. She repeatedly responded by kissing me and then tucking me in tighter and then turning away to try to sleep. I told her there was no point. I told her she wasn’t getting back to sleep. I told her lots of things over and over! She wasn’t very friendly, but I reminded myself that she was just not awake yet, so I sung to her to help her wake up! She apparently wasn’t persuaded, but I was right, folks. When my daddy came in to kiss us goodbye a little after 6:30, she asked him to tell me to go back to sleep. I grinned at him, amused by silly Mommy. Daddy, who seemed by far the more intelligent of my two parents this morning, said “He smiled at me; I am helpless!” Around 7, Mommy finally gave up and got out of bed. I didn’t tell her “I told you so!” but that’s mainly because my mouth won’t cooperate yet.

Mommy says that’s the last time she lets me go to bed when my sister does. But if my exciting sister is going to be home all day, and Mommy doesn’t let me go to sleep, she will be SORRRY! Let me tell you!

Good morning again!


My Bruceness (Bruce, 3.5 mo)

Hey everybody,

I’m BRUCE! Mommy was talking to me and she said “trombone noise trombone noise BRUCE” and I knew what that last part meant. People are always talking at me, and it was so wonderful to know exactly what she meant for a moment. I suspect I smiled wide enough to swallow her face. (Mommy says to tell you it was a perfect 😀 though as usual, that’s nonsense to me.) So now she’s been saying “Bruce” a lot to me. I think she was pretty excited that she could finally communicate successfully. At least she seems to have some clue that I’m important.

Actually, I’ve been trying to help her work on her communication skills lately. Whenever she says something, even though it’s a lot of nonsense, I try to make some interested noise. She seems to appreciate it, and she often responds. Maybe with time she’ll learn to make sense.

I’m not just going to depend on her though. Lately I’ve been trying to do more for myself. Mommy just spends far too much time in front of the computer to depend on for entertainment. So Daddy set up this exciting thing of colors and shapes and I’ve been shaking and grabbing! I’ve discovered that sometimes my hand does something and then it is a bit heavier. Often at those times my then if I move my hand it makes a noise!

Been spending a lot of time watching the bigger child lately. She doesn’t move like the grown-ups do, and her voice is a lot more like mine. Sometimes she performs for me and I stare entranced. But then she goes away. I try to roll after  her, but no sucess, so I YELL. Then Mommy and Daddy just put me back where I was. I didn’t want to stay where I was. I wanted to follow my sister! (See, back to their lack of communication skills. Sigh.)


(That’s ME!!)